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Is it weird I never cried dropping Jack off at daycare? Nope not even the first day I took him, only 2 1/2 months old.
Well until about a month ago…
Typical sunny morning, typical drop-off but as I was driving home something welled up in me. At first it was anger. And by the time I got home, I found myself calling D at work. I stumbled around explaining why I called him; that I was upset about daycare, nothing in particular exactly… but as I was talking the tears and voice quiver quickly overcame me. And then I let it happen. The sadness.
As I write this, I’m crying. It’s even hard for me to access those feelings. I am sad I can’t be with him all day. I grieve the time that has passed by so quickly.
And that day it hit me. And just when I thought it was over, more tears. After some time praying, I heard little raindrops on the window. I looked out and it was raining. Immediately I knew the rain was for me. The sunny, cloudless day had suddenly turned into a temporary down pour. A sense of love and empathy came over me and I felt right then that Jesus could feel my pain. He cared. He wept. He was sad because I was sad. The realization of how much my Savior loved me became, for a brief moment, tangible. All those times I had told myself it was my fault, it wasn’t a big deal, or God didn’t care about it were put on hold just so I could be sad. It was okay to be sad because He knew my pain. He felt it too and the rain was the perfect reminder.
Thank you Lord for the rain you send. Thank you for knowing our needs better than we do. Thank you for being able to sympathize with us and thank you for loving us even more than we can love each other.
“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” – Hebrews 4:15
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3
oh Kelly this words are beautiful! I can’t imagine how you felt, my little one is not going to day care yet, but I’m sure is not easy some times….lovely photo
Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad. If I were you I wouldn’t ignore those strong feelings. Maybe God is placing them in your heart for a reason. We decided 10 years ago that I would be staying home with our kids. Yes, some days are hard, and we sacrifice some lifestyle choices that I used to think I could never live without. We’ve been given the huge responsibility of turning our children’s hearts to The Lord. And no one can do that better than mom and dad. 🙂
wow, kelly, this is so beautiful and honest. and it totally encouraged me, somehow, even though it is about your sadness, it encouraged me that God knows us and cares for us in our every emotion, especially as mothers. and it reminded me to be grateful for the moments i have with my little ones to watch them grow. thank you.